September 30th, 2005

I Hate eBay

I really do hate eBay, even though it’s not really eBay’s fault.

First of all, I have never liked auctions. I don’t like the idea of bidding wars and prices scaling out of control. Just tell me how much the stupid thing is, let me buy it, and let me get on my way. I have no patience for buying things. When I buy something, I want it right now. This is why I pay more for some things – I know I can get it cheaper online, but I want it right away.

Second, I don’t really trust people. This is based on some experience, some self-evaluation, and some out-and-out paranoia. This is why I lock my van door even when I’m only leaving it for two minutes and there’s nothing in it that anyone would want to steal. Sometimes as I’m walking away from my unlocked van I think, “I can leave it unlocked, it’ll be fine.” But then I can’t. Once I’ve thought of it, I’ll have to lock it. That’s just the way it goes. I expect the people on eBay that are selling things to leave me hanging, stripped of cash and dignity, with no merchandise to show for it.

These reasons are why it is strange that the first thing I ever bought on eBay was a van. Strangely enough, it all went well and I got a decent vehicle out of it. I’m tired of driving vans, but that’s really not eBay’s fault. That I know of, anyway.

You might remember when I played Dance Dance Revolution on vacation. If not, pretty much all you need now is that I played it and enjoyed it. I knew they had the game available for the Xbox, and my friend Brian wrote a review of a really good dance pad for it, so I decided to try to find a cheap one.

I found several on eBay and made a bid on one that was ending soon (again, I don’t need the as-instant-as-possible gratification). When the auction ended, I had lost. But, lo! Shortly thereafter, I received an email from the seller. The high bidder backed out or something, and would I still like to purchase it?

Why, yes, I would.

Final price with shipping: $50. Not bad for a $100+ dance pad. I PayPal-ed her and waited.

I was surprised when I received the pad a week or so later. A stranger lived up to their end of the bargain! My faith in humanity was restored! …for about ten minutes.

During assembly, I noticed some cuts on the inside of the pad. Then, I discovered the back/down arrow didn’t work. Grrr.

I contacted the seller via email and explained the situation. She said she’d replace it if I sent it back and she found it to be defective, and she’d also cover my shipping costs for sending it back ($11.something). I wasn’t able to send it right away, but I sent it back within two weeks. It was right in the middle of my move and it’s difficult for me to get to the Post Office. I made sure to get a tracking number on the package, and I watched it online over the next couple of days to make sure it was delivered.

At this point, I get an email from her. It was a mass email to many people informing them that she was going on vacation and would be back on August 3. Fine. Whatever. I kept in contact with her for a little while, telling her that I’d sent the package and yadda yadda yadda. Once she sent out that email, any time I’ve emailed her since, I get an automated replay that says she’s on vacation until August 3.

Long story short (or at least shorter than it could be), I haven’t heard from her since the last week of July. I emailed at least once a week and always got the auto-response.

Yesterday I started the process of complaining to eBay and PayPal. See, they have these procedures because they know (just like I do) that there are deadbeats out there.

One problem. Remember how I’m a slacker? Remember how I’m lazy? Remember how I procrastinate? Turns out I waited too long. There’s a time limit for complaints: 45 days. I am well-past 45 days. I am also out $61+.

The seller isn’t even a seller any more. A look at her eBay userpage says “private” and you can’t even read or leave feedback.

So frustrating. Yes, it’s my fault for taking too long to look into the issue, but there shouldn’t have even been an issue in the first place.

That’ll teach me to trust people.

September 29th, 2005

Dove Chocolate Is Trying To Get Me Fired

You know how they have little sayings/quips/advice on the inside of the wrappers around the Dove Promises chocolate? I had one today that said “Flirting is mandatory.”

No one needs that kind of trouble.

September 28th, 2005

Snakes On A Plane

EDIT: The song has finally been recorded. Download here.

Because of this, I give you the following.

To the tune of “Dust in the Wind” by Kansas:

I board my ride
I put my seat back upright and I stow my tray
On my feet
I feel a slithering and I turn to clay
Snakes on a plane
Everyone sees snakes on a plane

They are long
You think they are slimy but they’re really not
All they do
Is scare the flight attendants and stay uncaught
Snakes on a plane
All they are is snakes on a plane, ohh

Now, don’t freak out
They can sense your fear and then they’ll bite your face
Then slip away
To hide in the overhead compartment space
Snakes on a plane
Everywhere are snakes on a plane
You’re sure there are snakes on a plane?

Snakes on a plane
Everywhere are snakes on a plane
Who let all these snakes on a plane?
A plane

And there it is, my Snakes on a Plane song.