April 18th, 2007

A Little Break

Either funny things don’t happen to me anymore or I’m just not enjoying life like I used to. Whichever it is (and I suspect it’s the latter), I’ve done a lot of serious and pseudo-serious posts lately, so I thought I’d take a little break and share this with y’all.

At the end of our improv shows when the score’s been tallied and the winning team announced, the players get called off one by one. There are a few different ways that happens. One is “Chariots of Fire,” where the theme song is played and we attack each other in slow motion until our name is called. Another one is “Rapid-Fire Joke Cavalcade” (or some variant on that name), where as our name is called, we step up and tell a quick joke before leaving the stage.

It’s funny to see everyone scrambling for a joke to tell once we’ve been told we’re ending with that. Really, how many “one-liners” does a person know? Not that many, as it turns out. And it’s gotta be quick – no sloth jokes here, thank you. Groaners are allowed, too, and some of us specifically aim for that. Aside from the Norman Bates joke I told a while back, I tend to stick to one theme for my ending jokes:


Sure, cannibalism in real life is no laughing matter. Frankly, I think it’s because it’s so not funny that jokes about it are funny. I’m sure you’ll disagree and be disgusted by these, but this is the pool of cannibal jokes I draw from, depending on how I feel that particular day. “1C” means “First cannibal,” and so forth.

1C (arriving at the feast): Am I late?
2C: Yes, everyone’s eaten.


1C: Your wife makes a good roast.
2C: Yes. I’ll miss her.


1C: I hate my mother-in-law.
2C: Well, try the potatoes.


Q: Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
A: They taste funny

There you go – my favorite cannibal jokes. Remember, kids: cannibalism is bad. Don’t do it!

4 Comments on “A Little Break”

  1. Brian Arnold says:

    If you bite your nails and cuticles and such, but then swallow what you've bitten off as opposed to spitting it out, is that a form of self-cannibalism?

  2. The Big Guy says:

    Those were AWESOME.

    The mother-in-law one was great.

    Oh, I needed those laughs.

    Have a good day, Z.

  3. M. Kate says:

    Lee, the sloth joke totally eats the cannibal's lunch. Wait, is that a cannibal joke?

    Laughs are good.

  4. Kenthe2 says:

    What did the cannibal wife do to her husband when he came home late for dinner?

    She gave him a cold shoulder.

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