MadMup.com

My one sorta-resolution this year was to learn to type correctly.

I didn’t do it.

I’m not much for self-betterment, as those who know me best would be quick to tell you. My lack of motivation coupled with my insurmountable laziness combine to make me a prize catch in the Never Going To Amount To Much State Tournament.

This year I’ve decided to make resolutions I know I can keep. At the end of the year, I’ll be able to look back on this list with pride, knowing I accomplished what I set out to do.

Without further ado, here’s the list!

• gain at least five pounds (bonus points for more than five pounds)
• waste golden opportunities
• increase my movie-watching by at least one movie per week
• barely skate by on things that are important
• use attempts at humor to mask my true thoughts
• increase my reliance on looking at the keyboard while I type (take that, Mavis Beacon!)
• offend at least 33% more people this year than last
• shake off attempts to help me using the magical phrase “I’m fine”

I should be able to get to all of that in a year, don’t you think?

I wish you the best in your goal-attainment procedures this year. Take one week at a time and you’ll do fine.

Happy New Year, readers.