MadMup.com

Pledge drives produce conflicting feelings in me, and I can’t be the only one. I’m talking specifically about the pledge drives that radio stations do, as I rarely run across the TV ones, and even more specifically about a station here in town. I realize that non-profit stations need to raise money somehow, but there has to be a better way, doesn’t there?

Most of the chatter they do to try to convice you to chip in can be pretty much summed up in the last thing Kramer says in this quote from an episode of Seinfeld entitled “The Pledge Drive“:

Nana: Hello, I’d like to speak with Jerry. This is his grandmother.

Kramer: Oh, uh, Nana. Hello.

Nana: Tell Jerry I’m sorry, I’m going to have to write him some new checks.

Kramer: As long as you’ve got your checkbook out, how about forking a little over to PBS? You watch the station, don’t you? You don’t want to be a freeloader.

Here’s this station that I’ve been sort of nonchalantly listening to when BAM! – pledge drive week. Now, rather than just listening, I’m being confronted with the fact that by not chipping in, I’m being an awful, awful person.

Sure, I realize this sort of thing is a necessity. It’s nice to not have to hear commercials all the time, and the people that work at the station should get paid for what they do. In fact, there was a time in my life where I really wanted to work in radio. I still wonder every now and again if I’d have been any good at it. So I can understand that part of it.

But the hassling! These normally friendly people are saying things like “Only 5% of our listeners have donated” and “If you’re not a part of this, you’re missing out” and all it sounds like to me is a couple of knuckle-cracking thugs looking around and saying, “Nice radio you got here. Be a shame if anything happened to it.”

So I’m equal parts ashamed and annoyed, the first because I can’t bring myself to donate and the second because I can’t bring myself to stop listening to them badger me. I’m some sort of sadistic freeloader, which seems like a contradiction in terms.

The good thing is that the pledge drive is over now. I guess we’ll see if there’s still a station to listen to in a month.

Dove Chocolate is at it again. It thinks it’s so smart, with all of the advice and “wisdom.” Here’s today’s big life-changing piece of guidance:

This is the most ridiculous piece of nonsense that ever was. First of all, people do this anyway. Why does Dove Chocolate think a person is eating a bag of Dove Chocolate, hmm? It’s like reminding people to open their eyes when they drive or put a coat on when it’s cold outside — actually, now that I’ve typed that out, I realize that teenagers do need to be told those things, so maybe this particular piece of chocolate-encasing advice was meant for a teenager. Hmm. If so, that’s still a ridiculous thing to tell a teenager to do! Yikes.

Secondly, following my instincts is what got me where I am today, for the most part. So… yeah.

I was immediately reminded of the episode of Seinfeld entitled “The Opposite.” George decides that since his instincts have gotten him where he is, from then on he’s going to do the opposite of his first instinct. Here’s the pivotal scene:

George: Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but … I was perceptive. I always know when someone’s uncomfortable at a party. It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I’ve ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every [aspect] of life, be it something to wear, something to eat – It’s all been wrong.

(A waitress comes up to George)

Waitress: Tuna on toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee.

George: Yeah. No, no, no, wait a minute, I always have tuna on toast. Nothing’s ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of on toast. Chicken salad, on rye, untoasted … and a cup of tea.

Elaine: Well, there’s no telling what can happen from this.

* * * * *

Jerry: If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.

George: Yes, I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and do nothing, and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and I will do something!

Dove Chocolate and George Costanza: two diametrically opposed fonts of knowledge for the ages.

And, yes, before anyone starts in on me, I’m well aware that neither Dove Chocolate nor Seinfeld episodes are anything a person should be basing their life on. Thank you for worrying.

From The Consumerist:

If you object to George Costanza’s habit of double dipping—now you have a scientific study to back it up.

The study was conducted by Prof. Paul L. Dawson, a food microbiologist, who decided to experiment with “double dipping” after watching a Seinfeld re-run in which a character named “Timmy” objects to George’s dubious dipping habits.

Professor Dawson told the New York Times that he expected “little or no microbial transfer” as a result of double dipping.

He was wrong.

Double dippers are just as gross as you’ve always suspected:

The team of nine students instructed volunteers to take a bite of a wheat cracker and dip the cracker for three seconds into about a tablespoon of a test dip. They then repeated the process with new crackers, for a total of either three or six double dips per dip sample. The team then analyzed the remaining dip and counted the number of aerobic bacteria in it. They didn’t determine whether any of the bacteria were harmful, and didn’t count anaerobic bacteria, which are harder to culture, or viruses.

There were six test dips: sterile water with three different degrees of acidity, a commercial salsa, a cheese dip and chocolate syrup.

On average, the students found that three to six double dips transferred about 10,000 bacteria from the eater’s mouth to the remaining dip.

Each cracker picked up between one and two grams of dip. That means that sporadic double dipping in a cup of dip would transfer at least 50 to 100 bacteria from one mouth to another with every bite.

Yuck. So, what now? “The way I would put it is, before you have some dip at a party, look around and ask yourself, would I be willing to kiss everyone here? Because you don’t know who might be double dipping, and those who do are sharing their saliva with you,” says Professor Dawson.

Germs. You can’t trust ’em.