MadMup.com

I went to the post office today to mail a present to my brother to wrap up with the rest of the presents that the family is giving to Dad because his birthday’s on Saturday.

(There will never be a greater opening line than that one right there.)

While I was waiting for the postal person to weigh the package and print the label and whatever else it is he needed to do, he apparently was driven to break the tension and the unbearable silence and was compelled to talk to me about something, anything.

He chose basketball.

I am male and it is March, and those were all the reasons he needed to start with this line: “Well, I heard Iowa’s out of it already.”

By the time it had registered with me what he was talking about and what, exactly, he had said, I had already said, “Oh, yeah?” which, of course, in male language means, “I had not heard that. I can’t believe I missed a minute of the coverage of the college tournament. Please tell me more about it! And, please, don’t tell anyone else that I didn’t already know about Iowa!”

He picked up his cue and proceeded to make various comments about various teams that had played today, expressing surprise at some and glee at others. I responded with the requisite grunts of acknowledgment and surprise/grief, and even added a “Well, that’s why they play the games, because you just never know!” in response to an apparent upset.

I got out of there without my cover being blown, and I resolved to do one of two things: either watch all the college ball I could for the next month or avoid anyone who looks like they might be into college ball even a little. Option #2 is looking mighty good right now.

I do not care for basketball. When I took stats and taped the games in high school, I did it largely as an excuse to travel with the team without having to do any actual work. All my friends were on the team, and I wanted to hang out with them. I remember enjoying basketball a little back then, but I’m sure that was mostly because I knew the guys who were playing. After my stint was over, so was any interest I had in the sport. Sure, I got to see Michael Jordan play a few years later, but that’s bigger than the sport of basketball. I just don’t care for the game. In fact, I can’t even play a basketball videogame and enjoy it, and I’ve played (and enjoyed!) rugby and soccer videogames!

A cow-orker had me sign up in one of those bracket competitions they have around this time every year. Don’t worry, there’s no money involved – there’s some kind of point system which determines a winner at the end of the tournament. I don’t think the winner even gets anything, except maybe bragging rights. His wife has actually won it the last two years, and she likes basketball even less than I do (I’m guessing here).

I normally go through and pick my teams based on where they’re from (any team from Wisonsin automatically gets picked), what the mascots are (Banana slugs? WAY better than any old Blue Devils!), or what their colors are (green and white beats yellow and orange any time). That strategy didn’t serve me so well last year, and I came in dead last. So this year I used a high-risk system: I chose the lowest-seeded team in any given matchup. If a number 16 was playing a number one, I chose the sixteen. My Final Four this year is made up of all four sixteen seeds.

Note: that will never happen in a million years.

My idea was to get defeated early in the process so I wouldn’t stress about after the first weekend. Plus, by using a ridiculous method, I gain some laugh-points with the other people playing. If, by some weird twist of mathematics I happen to edge someone else out (upsets earn more points in the figuring), well, that earns major laugh-points.

In the meantime, I’m working on my “I can’t believe that happened!”s and my “They just wanted it more”s. The cats tell me I sound pretty convincing.

Barring any unforeseen circumstances, today’s the day the Hot Chocolate Counter gets zeroed out.

It’s been 155 days since I bought my Barnes & Noble discount card, so that means I’ve bought a hot chocolate every 1.9 days, on average. If I keep this pace up (and it’s likely), I’ll buy 110.5 more hot chocolates before my year of discounts is up, for a total of 191. The discount card saves me 31 cents each time I buy a hot chocolate, so the total amount saved would be $59.21, enough for two discount cards and a little left over.

Of course, at this point I would be remiss in my duties if I did not point out how much I’m spending on hot chocolates in a year at the current rate.

Oh, man.

I just did the math, and I ought to be ashamed of myself.

$517.61

That’s … that’s ridiculous. $2.71 every other day or so doesn’t seem that bad, but $517.61 is crazy big.

Of course, it is impossible to put a price tag on the joy I receive from drinking the wonderful hot chocolate, but I’m guessing it would still be less than $517.61.

At this point, my low-level OCD-ness kicks in and I want to start adding up all the stuff I do: movies, eating out, and … and … well, that’s about it. I think I’d be too depressed.

Ah, well. It has provided small amounts of amusement for you, yes? If so, it is money well-spent.

I saw the coolest thing today. Ever heard of ASIMO? It stands for “Advanced Step In Innovative Mobility,” but what it really is is a four-foot-tall humanoid robot that looks a little like an astronaut. Honda tours the country with it (I want to call it “him,” but the handlers make specific efforts not to, so I’ll try not to as well) and they made a stop at Purdue University. Man, it was sweet.

It is amazing the advances evident in this little guy. He can walk at speeds of up to 1 m.ph., turn while walking, recognize specific faces, kick a soccer ball, climb and descend stairs, grab things, wave, and all sorts of other stuff. They put on a half-hour show, and demonstrated all of these things. It was just so neat.

Of course, it can be a little creepy to think about robots getting more and more capable of doing things. Honda’s goal with this is to eventually have ASIMO-like robots in homes helping people who need help – the elderly, the infirm, and so on. Even the height of ASIMO is because of that – his “eyes” are on-height with a person sitting in a chair or lying in a bed. It’s just such a neat concept.

Not everyone at the show shared my optimism. Most movies show that robots tend more towards evil than good. The Terminator, as you might recall, was so evil that he came back through time to kill a person. Now there’s dedication! Would that humans could focus on a task like that! Then there’s the robots in I, Robot – even with the “Three Laws Safe,” they got mean and nasty. And, as Tom said on Friday, “Even Johnny 5 had a laser!”

I’m not too worried about evil robots yet. Humans are more than evil enough for me right now. Robots still have a long way to go before approaching human levels of evilness.

Honda has said that by 2040, ASIMO-robots will be commonplace in homes. I think it’d be keen to have one, and I’d like to sign up now. I just hope that, by then, they’ll be able to clean bathrooms, because, man, do I hate doing that.