MadMup.com

I don’t answer calls from numbers I don’t recognize. I just don’t. I’m not alone in this, so don’t look at me like I’m some kind of freak. Voicemail was created for exactly this sort of situation: you leave a message letting a person know who you are. That’s just how it works. Like George Costanza said, “You know, we’re living in a society! We’re supposed to act in a civilized way!” Part of living in society is leaving voicemails.

That’s really not my main point, but it needed to be said.

Anyway, there is one exception I make. I have a friend who lives in a different state. He has an aversion to being named here, so I won’t tell you anything more about him except that he lives in the 419 area code, likes snakes, and one time played three recorders in front of a live audience (one in his mouth and one in each nostril).

I occasionally receive calls from him him from work. Since his workplace has several different phone lines, I don’t have them all in my cell phone under his name. Therefore, I don’t recognize the numbers. I do, however, recognize the 419 area code, so I’ll generally still pick up. It’s one of the perks of being a friend of mine for 20+ years (no, I’m still not telling you his name).

So the other night when my phone rings and it’s a 419 area code, I don’t hesitate to pick it up. I immediately say, “You’re lucky I recognize your area code or else I’d never answer the phone when you call.” This was somewhat confusing to the lady on the other end of the line, who was actually calling to get my opinions on the local political landscape (which I also felt was weird – why is someone from a completely different state calling to ask me about my local city government? And where did she get my number?).

It took a minute or two to straighten out the confusion, and by that time I felt she had earned my time, so I went ahead and answered her questions.

So now I’m faced with the fact that I have a very specific Kryptonite, and if my defenses are that easily overcome, what’s next? Will I start answering calls from any area code with those three numbers – 491, 941, 914? It’s a slippery slope and I’m more than a bit concerned.

I’ll be the first to tell you that I don’t understand what makes a person want a particular food at a particular time. It stands to reason that if you’re thirsty, your body’s telling you it needs water, and it also figures that if you want chocolate-covered pickles, your body’s telling you you’re pregnant. Aside from that, I don’t understand it at all.

What I do understand is that there are certain foods I want frequently. I don’t want all of them all the time, nor do I want the same thing several days in a row. In fact, I’ve ruined many a good thing to eat by having it too frequently, a lesson I hope I’ve learned and won’t have to repeat.

Here’s a list of my current favorite things to eat. Keep in mind that if I go to the restaurant I’ve mentioned, I will get what I have listed next to it 99% of the time.

• B-Dub’s – Boneless wings with Honey BBQ (probably the spiciest thing I eat) and buffalo chips with ranch dressing
• Cracker Barrel – Chicken & Dumplings with mashed potatoes
• Culver’s – Burger & fries
• Julie’s Ranchhouse – Coconut cream pie, ham & beans (this is a local place, so you’ll have to come here to try it out)
• McDonald’s – Filet O’ Fish, Arctic Orange milkshake (I don’t allow myself to get the FoF very often, and the orange milkshake is a special that they very rarely have available)
• Monical’s Pizza– Thin-crust cheese pizza (with French-like dressing for dipping, oddly enough)
• O’Charley’s – Loaded Baked Potato Soup (with rolls, of course! Also: for reference)
• Olive Garden – Fettucine Alfredo (only I get the farfalle pasta instead, as it holds the sauce better and is easier to eat)
• Panda Express – Orange Chicken (also spicier than I would normally like)
• Roly Poly – #39: Turkey Applejack, minus the onion, mushrooms, and basil mayo
• Texas Roadhouse – Sirloin steak (6 or 8 oz., depending on the day)

Yes, I realize that you can read that list and instantly recognize why I’m in the shape I’m in. I’ve made it somewhat better by leaving off all the snack-like things I crave. If I’d put those on here, too, you might have had a heart attack just from reading the list. I’ve also left off any homemade items, as it’s just not fair to you to talk about the cinnamon rolls Melissa makes if you’re not going to have the opportunity to try them.

It’s a short one, but I do mention both President Ronald Reagan and the movie WarGames, so I guess that’s something.