September 20th, 2006

Gellin’ Like A Felon

I’m having difficulties figuring out how to blog my most recent Texas Trip. I don’t really want to do one big all-in-one post because it seems like too much happened to relegate it to some sort of list and I don’t want anything to get lost in the deluge of events. I hope to have a series of smaller posts over the next few days. Let’s start, shall we?

All this talk of “no liquids on flights!” had me wondering how I was going to make this trip. Years ago I made the switch to gel deodorants because I got tired of the white “regular” stuff – it’s way too messy and gunky. Spray deodorants are no good, either: too cold and don’t seem to do the trick. Gels are just about right for me. Sadly, I’ve recently had to find a new one, as the one I’d been using stopped being effective. It was a rather involved process that I thought about blogging, but ultimately decided it was too unsavory a topic. Frankly, even this amount of discussion is too much, in my opinion! For a more detailed (and gross) explanation of why people need to occasionally change deodorant, go here.

I also use hair gel. How else to achieve this hair-combed-forward-but-bangs-upturned look? Mousse? Hairspray? No thanks. Gel is it for me. I used cheap “L.A. Looks” type stuff for the longest time but made the switch to a more-expensive salon brand (that I can’t remember the name of right now) when I got mocked for having a big bottle of bright yellow hair gel in my bathroom. I chose this particular brand because it’s what the girl (Kelsey) at my haircutting place (seems unmanly to call it a “salon”) used after cutting my hair and I liked the smell of it. I guess it holds fine, so that’s just a bonus. And now that I’ve mentioned it, talking about liking the smell of my hair gel also sounds unmanly. Hmm.

I use regular toothpaste, though it has gel parts to it. It’s some sort of fancy Aquafresh that has an orange look and taste to it. All I know is that it makes my teeth feel awesome when I use it. It’s good stuff.

I decided to use my standard “Well, let’s just see” approach and packed it all up in my shaving kit bag inside my carry-on bag. I have one bag that’s for clothes and toiletries (a word I dislike!) and a backpack that’s for all my electronical diversions and for books. I figured if they didn’t want me to have the stuff, they’d take it.

I flew out at 7:something on Saturday morning with no problems at all. Bags went through the x-ray, I went through the metal detector and had to go back through sans belt. That, by the way, is my least favorite part of the process. I don’t mind taking off my shoes, but taking off my belt and putting it back on there in the airport seems more… personal. It’s like I’m undressing and dressing in front of everyone. I don’t like it, not one bit. But they didn’t take my gels!

I changed flights and continued on to Dallas – all while having gels and pastes in my carry-on bag! I felt a little guilty, but I was glad I wouldn’t have to try to find a store and re-buy all my stuff when I got to my destination.

I utilized the various gels while I was in Dallas, a bit more thankful for them than normal.

On my return trip yesterday I didn’t do anything different except to remove my belt and pack it away so I wouldn’t have to take it off in the airport. This time, though, my carry-on bag was pulled to the side. “We need to look inside this, sir.”

Uh oh. Busted by The Man.

“Oh, okay. Sure.”

Out comes all my stuff: belt, dirty clothes, clean clothes… and shaving kit.

Deodorant: “Can’t have this.”
Hair gel: “Nope.”
Toothpaste: “This either.”

Me: “Really? Huh.” This, folks, is a master actor at work.

Him: “Nope. No liquids, gels, or pastes, except prescriptions and yadda yadda yadda other stuff.”

Me: “Wow. Huh. I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to pull anything!” I totally was, but I don’t think that would’ve been wise to say. “Yeah, I was trying to sneak gels onto the plane” doesn’t get as many laughs as you might think it should.

So he took it all away to some undisclosed location. I’m guessing to some sort of holding area for the employee auction later on. I continued on my way, eventually getting back home – but not before stopping at Wal-Mart to buy replacement gels. They had my toothpaste and my newly-found deodorant, but not my fancy hair gel. I had to buy some cheap stuff, but at least this time I got the bright blue rather than the bright yellow. I’ll get the good stuff when next I get my hair cut.

Stupid terrorists. The way I figure it, they owe me $12 so far. And for what? To make me afraid to fly? Sorry, but that ship has sailed. Enclosed spaces, sudden movements, and loud noises took care of that long ago. If it ever happens that I come across a terrorist on a flight, I’m going to glue him to his seat, hands permanently stuck in a Macauley Culkin-like fashion to his face. All with the gel-based superglue I’ll have sneaked aboard.

4 Comments on “Gellin’ Like A Felon”

  1. the obscure says:

    Salons, scented gels– you're so metro!

  2. Brian Arnold says:

    Overall, the whole thing really bothers me.

    Someone tries to bomb a plane with shoes: Now you have to take off shoes.
    Someone tries to bomb a plane with gels: Now, no liquids or gels or anything.

    Eventually we'll have to check everything and fly nude. It's the only way to truly ensure our safety. Well, that and a body cavity search.

  3. d4v34x says:

    I ain't getting on *that* plane!

    Also, Mup, thank you for motivating me to edit that into a more readable post.

  4. daniel says:

    The toothpaste thing is going to bother me, as I have been flying more frequently on overnight trips so I don't have a reason to check bags. The belt issue is one that I've always had. Very very rarely do I wear a belt before going through security. Not being able to take my coffee on board also bothers me. Then again, we could all be flying nude, which would prove a whole other mess of issues – both good and bad.

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