May 27th, 2006

They’re After Me

This morning I went into work like any other normal day, turned on my computer, had my granola bar/iced tea breakfast, checked my email, and went out to check on the guys installing the new PA system in my server room.

Pretty normal, but something seemed … off. Something wasn’t quite right. Hmm.

Oh, yeah, the big giant bird flapping around my server room. That wasn’t there before.

The birds know I don’t like them, so now they’re sending secret agents in to where I work to try and get me. Good thing they’re stupid. Secret agents are supposed to blend in, be unnoticeable. If I’d seen, say, a monitor, or a stack of books, or a trash can, I wouldn’t have expected anything. But the big flapping bird? Total giveaway.

Recognizing the danger, I did the only thing I could: retreated to my office and closed the door.

The bird agent, realizing the futility of trying to finish his mission, tried to escape by flying out into the Media Center and smacking its head against the windows. This is a bird’s Standard Operating Procedure in just about any situation. A nearby cat? Head for the nearest window, bash your head against it. Rain? Window. A change in the political climate of Guatemala? Window. Birds aren’t terribly creative.

Apparently the bird was captured and released outside – I like to think the release was a warning to other birds, but who knows if that message will get relayed?

Safe again, I emerged from my office and went on about my day.

But seriously – birds freak me out.

2 Comments on “They’re After Me”

  1. kim says:

    There is a HUGE, DEAD black bird on my drive way right now. I discovered it an hour ago. I wonder if it hit my brothers window? I dont know, but i want it to go away, because I am certain if I go near it, it will snap its neck back into place, its eyes will glow and it will kill me.

    Im frightened.

  2. the obscure says:

    Do they have "concealed carry" in IN?

    Or you could just put a sign on the door, "This Server Room Protected by Smith and Wesson."

    Birds know about guns. All too well.

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