December 28th, 2004

Late Night Wanderings

A friend of mine and I went to a movie last night that didn’t get out until midnight. Afterwards, he headed home and I … well, I was wide awake. I headed to Wal-Mart. While I feel a certain amount of sympathy for the folks who have to work the overnight shifts, I think it’s wonderful that I can wander around Wal-Mart any time of the day or night.

I really only see one problem with it. Jerry Seinfeld has a bit about late-night TV watching and how the later it gets, the more sense the infomercials make. “It’s 3 in the morning, and I’m starting to think maybe I could use a knife that can cut through shoes.” I think the same rule applies to late-night wandering around Wal-Mart, and I can prove it:

I bought a breadmaker at 1:00 this morning.

I’ve been informed that a breadmaker is one of those things that even people who enjoy cooking and making things use for a few months and then never touch again. I know it’s true – I’ve seen it happen. But I’m walking through Wal-Mart with a few DVDs and a bag of Dove dark chocolates in my hands and I come across this relatively cheap breadmaker – one third the cost of breadmakers a few years ago! – and I start imagining the smell of bread baking and having apple butter on newly-baked bread and about how easy it is to make bread in a breadmaker, and I fold faster than Superman on laundry day.

Of course, now I’m looking at this box after getting some sleep and I’m thinking, “What kind of weird purchase is this?!” It’s like I’m grasping at straws to spend money now! Next I’ll be buying a fur-lined sink, or something.

You know what did it for me? I looked at a box of bread mix, fully expecting to see that I’d need to add eggs and that would be terribly inconvenient because I don’t keep eggs around. Upon finding eggs were not required, I was so excited I couldn’t not buy the thing.

I’m starting with gourmet white bread. If it goes well, maybe I’ll move on to something fancier, and pretty soon all anyone will ever receive from as gifts are loaves of homemade bread.

That is, anyone who has a birthday in the next few months.

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