November 30th, 2004

Fat Cats

The cats (unbeknownst to them) have started a diet as of this morning. No longer will the food trough be filled to overflowing. No longer will they stuff themselves willy-nilly. No longer will they gorge themselves until they have trouble walking. They are just too fat. It’s not good for them, and getting a cat to exercise is like that old saying: “Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.”

I’ve decided to follow the instructions on the cat food bag which clearly state that each cat should get 3/4 of a cup of food per day. Multiplied by two that means I’m only going to be putting a cup and a half of food in the food dish every day. Since they don’t seem to make a 3/4 cup measuring cup, I’ve decided to split it up this way: 1 cup of food in the morning, 1/2 cup of food at night.

I have a few concerns.

First, I’m worried they won’t split the food evenly between them. Nutmeg can be a jerk, and Dala is too nice. I’ve often come back to their room to see Dala crouched and awaiting a chance to eat while Nutmeg is pigging out. I’m worried that Nutmeg will eat 80% of the food and Dala will go hungry.

Second, what about when I’m away? I have “feeders” for my cats that let you put a week’s worth of food and water in them, but that allows them to eat as much as they want. I guess the answer here is to never go on trips, and that’s a fine solution for me!

Third, when my cats get hungry, they get obnoxious. Sometimes they whine, sometimes they knock stuff off my desk, sometimes they sit and stare at me as if to say, “Why must you torture us with starvation?”

We’ll see how this goes. I’m guessing that even though they’re the ones on the diet, I’m the one that will suffer.

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