MadMup.com

I don’t answer calls from numbers I don’t recognize. I just don’t. I’m not alone in this, so don’t look at me like I’m some kind of freak. Voicemail was created for exactly this sort of situation: you leave a message letting a person know who you are. That’s just how it works. Like George Costanza said, “You know, we’re living in a society! We’re supposed to act in a civilized way!” Part of living in society is leaving voicemails.

That’s really not my main point, but it needed to be said.

Anyway, there is one exception I make. I have a friend who lives in a different state. He has an aversion to being named here, so I won’t tell you anything more about him except that he lives in the 419 area code, likes snakes, and one time played three recorders in front of a live audience (one in his mouth and one in each nostril).

I occasionally receive calls from him him from work. Since his workplace has several different phone lines, I don’t have them all in my cell phone under his name. Therefore, I don’t recognize the numbers. I do, however, recognize the 419 area code, so I’ll generally still pick up. It’s one of the perks of being a friend of mine for 20+ years (no, I’m still not telling you his name).

So the other night when my phone rings and it’s a 419 area code, I don’t hesitate to pick it up. I immediately say, “You’re lucky I recognize your area code or else I’d never answer the phone when you call.” This was somewhat confusing to the lady on the other end of the line, who was actually calling to get my opinions on the local political landscape (which I also felt was weird – why is someone from a completely different state calling to ask me about my local city government? And where did she get my number?).

It took a minute or two to straighten out the confusion, and by that time I felt she had earned my time, so I went ahead and answered her questions.

So now I’m faced with the fact that I have a very specific Kryptonite, and if my defenses are that easily overcome, what’s next? Will I start answering calls from any area code with those three numbers – 491, 941, 914? It’s a slippery slope and I’m more than a bit concerned.

There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to why, but sometimes I make up songs.

Actually, there is no specific convergence of heavenly bodies or wind conditions or food ingestion that brings this about – it’s just something I do. Whether it’s singing to the cats about why I haven’t fed them yet (usually it has something to do with “I don’t want to go downstairs yet”) or proclaiming the wonders of a particular food (“Donuts! I love donuts!”), I just find myself singing impromptu songs sometimes.

Here’s an example of one that sprang to mind a long time ago. Dave and I were driving to school one morning when we saw a sticker on the vehicle in front of us that looked like a former President:

Hey, Woodrow Wilson
On the back of the truck
That’s on the front of our car
That’s on the ro-o-oad.

Certainly not Shakespeare by any stretch, but there’s something about on-the-spot words and on-the-spot tunes that I really like. That one there, for instance, has been rattling around in my head now for over 13 years. Seriously. And it just makes sense, you know? Our car was on the road, the truck was in front of us, and the sticker that looked like Woodrow Wilson was on it. Perfectly logical. Should there have been more? Perhaps. We might have explored what it was we wanted to say to Woodrow Wilson. The quattrain in this form should simply be considered a greeting, I feel, one that is very specific as to location.

I know I’m not the only one that does this. You other guilty ones know who you are (Dave, for instance). I worry, though, that it’s some sort of condition that will only get worse with time, but I don’t worry too much about it, since it’s something I enjoy.

I wonder if it’s tied with my other musical tic. Sometimes when someone says a sentence, the meter of the sentence immediately fits the meter of a song I’m familiar with. “Those are some big guns that they’re shooting in Iraq” immediately goes to the tune of the Rolling Stones’ “Paint It Black,” for instance. That one is helped more by “Iraq” rhyming with “black,” but it isn’t always that way.

And, of course, pretty much everybody does the “that reminds me of a song” thing. Should someone happen to encourage all partygoers to “have fun tonight,” 93% of the attenders will immediately think (and sometimes sing outloud) “Everybody Wang Chung tonight!” traveling to Kokomo, Indiana for some reason? There’s a Beach Boys song for that. It can be surprising some of the random lyrics and tunes that pop into a person’s head triggered by the smallest thing.

None of this is necessarily a terrible thing… unless it happens 458 times in the span of an evening. Even then it’s not necessarily a terrible thing… unless you happen to be in the company of others.

It is to those others that I apologize now. I’d like to say “it won’t happen again,” but I know it will.

Feel free to sing along.

Last night was a big night: I watched my first movie of the year.

Sure, that might not seem like a big deal to you, but last year I watched 371 movies, an average of 31 a month. I decided to try going a month without watching any movies, you know, just to see. It went fine. I watched a bit more TV and read a bit more and.. other stuff, I guess.

But yesterday was a new month, so I thought I’d watch a movie. Since it was so momentous, it couldn’t be just any movie, it had to be an awesome movie.

It had to be Batman.

It also kind of felt like this was the sort of event that needed to be shared with people. I put forth the idea of having some people over and was encouraged to do so. An announcement was made, plans were put in motion, snacks were purchased, the whole deal. And, wonder of wonders, seven people from the Career Class at church showed up.

I like to think that many of you who read the site here like to do so because my foibles and quirks make you feel better about your own, either by making yours feel less severe in comparison or make you feel less alone in your similar ones. To that end, I feel I should confess the following:

I talk during movies.

Constantly. Non-stop. And the thing is, I hate that I do it! It’s always the stupidest stuff! Here are the gems I subjected them to last night:

• The guy playing Gordon and the guy playing Alfred are the only two actors in all four of the Batman movies.
• She was married to Mick Jagger.
• Hey, Wendy, does his tie go with that shirt?
• How old were you all in 1989? (The most surprising answer: “Five.” Seriously!)
• Best. Batmobile. Ever.
• That right there is when a million boys fell in love with Vicki Vale. (When she showed up onscreen.)
• Here’s what was wrong with the sequel, Batman Returns: 1) Batman TWO should have been about Two-Face! Hello! 2) Too many villians, too much going on. 3) More origins were messed with.
• He had that light installed in the Batmobile just in case someone was going to be sitting in the passenger’s seat and he needed to blind them.
• Watch his utility belt when he looks up at the helicopter – see it move? Why didn’t they reshoot that?
• I hate this part because it messes up the whole origin of Batman! The Joker DID NOT kill Bruce Wayne’s parents!!!
• This movie is just to get you in the mood for Prince in the Super Bowl halftime show.
• Batman wouldn’t have killed The Joker – it’s what he does! He spares villians! He makes it a point not to kill villians!
• Iconic hero shot coming right up! Wait for it… there!

See? See what I mean about it being inane? And this is just a small sampling.

I need some sort of help.

A big thanks to Matt, Marshall, Wendy, Melissa, Lee, Jeannie, and Eric for coming to my inaugural movie night and for not killing me.