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Debi: You know what you need?

Martin: What?

Debi: Shakabuku

Martin: You wanna tell me what that means?

Debi: It’s a swift, spiritual kick to the head that alters your reality forever.

Martin: Oh, that’d be good. I think.

From Grosse Pointe Blank, one of my Top Ten movies.  Martin is an assassin who has lost the taste for his job and feels out of sorts and isn’t entirely sure where to go or what to do.  He’s back in his hometown, both for a job and for his 10-year high school reunion.  He finds his highschool girlfriend (that he stood up on Prom night to go join the Army), and she figures out pretty quickly what his deal is (other than him being a hitman, that is).

I love that phrase “swift, spiritual kick to the head that alters your reality forever,” though I take it differently than it’s meant here. I’ve come to learn that the word is Buddhist in origin, and I’m pretty far from being Buddhist. The version in the movie is more of a condensation of the thought, of the awakening meant, of being spurred on to something greater. To me it talks about being more, figuring out that thing that you’re meant to do. Like there’s this thing on your periphery that you can sense, but not quite make out, and you’re hoping to finally catch sight of it and go from there.

I often feel like I’m waiting for that spiritual kick to the head, and I’m curious to see where I’ll go from there.

Al’s second album, released in 1984, which was still earlier than I first heard him. This is the big one, the one that put Al on the map.

11. Mr. Popeil – This album starts a series of Al albums where I don’t dislike a single song. Sure, I like some songs better than others (otherwise how would I do a ranking series?), but unless I tell you flat out that I don’t like a song, I still like it. This one’s a fun riff on all those “As Seen on TV” products.  Ron Popeil was the Billy Mays of his day, if Billy Mays was part Thomas Edison. “Now how much would you pay?” is the repeated punchline on this one.

10. That Boy Could Dance – An original that makes you think Al probably could have gone a less silly route into music and still have been okay. It’s the story of a kid who was a dweeby loser in school but grew up to be a great dancer and the coolest guy everyone wants to know.

9. King of Suede – A parody of a Sting song, which should immediately tell you this one’s not nearly as weird as the original. It’s all about a guy who sells suede … well, everything. Suits, shoes, all of it. And there’s a 30% sale!

8. Nature Trail to Hell – A spoof of horror movies, of all things. Not an every time listen, but enjoyable if you’re familiar with horror movie clichés at all.  Poor Cub Scouts :(

7. Buy Me a Condo – A reggae song about a guy movie to America from Jamaica and looking forward to all of the mid-America joys the country has to offer. Cuisinarts, jacuzzis, wall-to-wall carpeting – this guy is pretty psyched.

6. The Brady Bunch – Al (as you will see) loves him some TV. This is a parody of The Safety Dance, so it’s catchy as all get out.

5. Theme from Rocky XIII (The Rye or the Kaiser) – I didn’t hear this song until well after I saw Rocky III the first time (and became a life-long Sylvester Stallone fan because of it), so the spoof of that movie’s theme song showing what Rocky’s life would be several years after he retired was pretty humorous to me. In this song, Rocky owns a deli, and he’s constantly suggesting that people try “the rye or the kaiser,” rather than having the Eye of the Tiger. Love. It.  It’s particularly humorous to me that in the final Rocky movie, Rock is retired and owns… a restaurant. I’ll always wonder if that’s a nod to Al’s song.

4. I Lost on Jeopardy – This was the first Al video I ever saw. I think we were waiting for Star Trek to start and Entertainment Tonight played it over their credits as it ended right before. I didn’t really know what was going on, but I knew Al amused me.

3. Midnight Star – “They’re keeping Hitler’s brain alive inside a jar!” Al’s take on tabloid papers, as seen while waiting in the checkout lane.

2. Polkas on 45 – Ah, the beginning of the polkas. When Al was a kid, the story goes, a door-to-door salesman came around to the Yankovic household selling music lessons for either violin or accordion. Al’s mom chose the accordion, and the rest is history.  Though Al is not related to the famous Frankie Yankovic, you can’t help but know polka if you can play the accordion. Al’s polkas are mashups of several pop songs all together in a polka format, and they’re fantastic fun. I don’t know that I could list a favorite one of all his polkas, but you’re sure to see each one rank pretty high in this series.

1. Eat It – This is the song that made Weird Al a household name. Nobody was a bigger star than Michael Jackson, and there have hardly ever been bigger songs than Beat It.  It’s amazing to think that a) Al asked Michael if he could parody it, and b) that Michael said yes. Al has said many times over that he owes his career to MJ, and he’s probably not kidding. The video for this one is also a great parody of the Beat It video, with a little bit of Thriller thrown in.

When I type these up, I get some info on dates and track listings from Wikipedia, but any lyrics quoted are straight outta my head, because I still know pretty much every one of them.  I may not remember your name 5 minutes after meeting you, but ask me about some Weird Al lyrics and I’ve got you covered.

A week ago I took a sort-of electric guitar lesson from a friend of mine. It was more of a “how it works” than a “how you play it” kind of thing. I’ve been interested in electric guitars for several years now (Guitar Hero and Rock Band are to blame, I think), but didn’t really know how they worked. I was familiar with acoustic guitars and the strumming and even a few chords, but I couldn’t really wrap my brain around how it worked. I asked Scott if he wouldn’t mind showing me some things. He was happy to, and I learned some neat stuff (neatest to me was that the amp you use has more to do with the sound than the actual guitar).

The most important thing I learned, though, is the electric guitar is not for me. Yes, it was fascinating to learn about, but I knew after the half hour we spent on it that I didn’t want to learn how to play it. I’m not sure I can explain that, I just knew. No big deal, I still learned.

It struck me, though that there are many things I know I don’t want to do, more so than I know what I do want to do.  It’s a lot easier to put things in the Nope column than the Yep column. It isn’t a fear of trying new things, either. I’ve considered them, thought about them, even learned about them, and knew for a reason or several that I wouldn’t enjoy them. Hobbies, jobs – same deal.  I am equally sure that I want to be neither a janitor nor a surgeon.  Both jobs gross me out.

I feel like I’m starting to be defined by the Nopes, though. That doesn’t feel like a good thing. But I guess at the same time, you need to know the Nopes to get to the Yeps.

The next things on my list to see about are cross-stitch and model building.  I’ll let you know how those go.