MadMup.com

Dear Mr. Burton,

This is a difficult letter for me to write – I hardly know where to begin.

We’ve had some great times together, you and I. From the wackiness of BeetleJuice to the misunderstood Mars Attacks! to the instant classic Big Fish, we’ve had laughs and chills and thrills. Thank you for all of them. Even your missteps have had good points. I didn’t care for Planet of the Apes, but your portrayal of an ape society was undeniably right on. You’re my favorite director – don’t ever forget that. Edward Scissorhands, Nightmare Before Christmas… the list goes on and on. I even have a VHS of Frankenweenie!

When you made Batman, you changed my view of comics and comic book heroes. I know it had its problems (the Joker did NOT kill Bruce’s parents!), but I loved it. We hadn’t seen comic book heroes treated as real characters before – even the Superman movies didn’t feel quite right – and you showed us that it could be done and done well. When asked for my favorite movie, it was my go-to answer. I used to keep track of how many times I’d seen it, but the VHS copy I was making the tally marks on has long been lost and I’ve lost track.

I liked Batman Returns, too, though I felt you missed an obvious choice. Batman 2 … Two-Face? Does this not make sense to anyone but me?!? There was too much going on, and the inclusion of two villians started an ugly, ugly trend to stuff too much into one movie. It still worked for you (and Michelle Pfeiffer is still the best Catwoman ever), but it wasn’t as good as the original.

Of course, you can’t be blamed for the next two Batman movies. Joel Schumacher deserves special and painful punishment for what he did to Batman in those movies. I still can hardly talk about them without tears coming to my eyes.

But I digress. This is about you. About us.

I don’t know how to say this, so I’ll just say it: I have a new favorite Batman movie.

I… I’m sorry. I didn’t expect it – it just … happened. I thought Batman Begins looked pretty neat, but I’d had Batman for so long I never thought…

I got to see Batman Begins tonight, though, and I can’t help it. It’s without a doubt the best Batman movie ever made. And – this may hurt, and I’m sorry – it’s the best one by far. I don’t consider myself an expert on the Batman character or anything, but this movie captured him and the Batman universe like nothing before it.

There’s so much more I could say, but it isn’t my intention to twist the knife any further. I’m so sorry. I never expected this.

You’re still my favorite director. And we can still have Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and The Corpse Bride, can’t we?

Sincerely,
MadMup

My first review in a long time is up over at DEN. I would consider it a personal favor if you would read it.

Anyone who’s ever gone with me to Olive Garden has probably also made fun of me for asking for more mints than however many they bring at the end of the meal. I can remember one particular time when the waitress brought an actual styrofoam bowl full of them for me. I still get mocked for that particular occasion, and it’s been a couple of years since that one happened.

For me, an Olive Garden meal isn’t complete without the Andes mint taste at the end of it. I’ve had a meal or two there where I didn’t get a mint, and it ruined the meal experience for me. If I had known beforehand that they were out of mints, I wouldn’t have eaten there. Really.

I’ve been told “you know you can just get a box of them at Wal-Mart, right?” Of course I do. Why, though, should I pay $3 for a box of mints that I only want after eating Olive Garden, especially when I can get enough of them at Olive Garden right after eating there? Especially considering how much one pays for a meal at Olive Garden.

As I mentioned, I’ve been mocked for this practice. Frankly, “mocked” isn’t a correct enough word. I’ve been made to think I’m some sort of freak who belongs in a sideshow for this practice.
It was comforting, then, to find that I’m not alone. On Friday, Tycho at Penny Arcade (I can’t in good faith recommend their site – they use naughty language as a matter of habit) wrote about how Gabe has the exact same “problem,” and it caused a further problem when he went to get a membership card out of the same pocket where the mints were being stored. I quote it here because I love the way he wrote it:

The mints themselves came from Olive Garden, which I’m slowly realizing we have some kind of fascination with, and since I’m not partial to mints regardless of the mountain range he usually takes all of them. And he makes it clear during the check phase of the meal that a single mint will not be sufficient. Oh no. When they come back to grab the card and run it so that their lives may continue, he places a hand on it and in a low voice, so low they must bring their ear close to hear it, he establishes that it could be “worth their while” if they bury him in mints. I am certainly pro tip, I have a a bank of odd neuroses regarding it I will bore you with at some point, but if the idea is to secure as many mints as possible there are grocery outlets in operation which could no doubt improve the rate of exchange. He’s not into it, there’s something about that ritual that makes the mints more flavorful. At any rate, this is all meant to say that he probably had somewhere in the neighborhood of ten mints in there with his wallet and his Edge card. His pocket had become a kind of rich stew.

It’s just nice to know I have company, even if we’re on the train to Weirdsville.