MadMup.com

Yesterday it so happened that I was listening to “Turtle Power” by Partners in Kryme. If you’ve seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (the movie), it’s the song that plays over the ending credits. If you haven’t seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (the movie), please go do so.

Your first question might be “Why were you listening to that song?” It turns out that I have an affinity for rap songs that re-tell the story of the movie they’re associated with. I’m not sure why, but I think they’re fun. In fact, it’s possible that “Nod Ya Head (Black Suits Comin’)” by Will Smith (and featuring TRA-Knox) is actually better than the movie to which it was attached (Men in Black II). When it says “There’s this chick, right? Serlena./Earth is worthless to her/She be trippin’ like/Threatenin’ me and my mens tryin’ to get The Light,” you’ve pretty much seen the whole movie. It can be a real time saver.

So I was listening to “Turtle Power.” In typical fashion, it lays out the events of the movie with a chorus that suggests that anyone who does heroic deeds possesses this “turtle power.” Tonto and the Lone Ranger even get mentioned at one point. There’s this one point in the song that irks me, though. Greatly.

Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Donatello
Make up the team with one other fellow –
Raphael. He’s the leader of the troupe
Transformed from the norm by the nuclear goop.

It’s super-catchy, but it’s just plain wrong! Here’s the breakdown on your Ninja Turtles:

Michaelangelo: wears orange, uses nunchaku. He’s the party guy, always goofing around – more so than the other Turtles, anyway.

Donatello: wears purple, fights with a bo staff, just like Napoleon Dynamite. He’s the smart one, always fixing stuff, whether mechanical or electrical. He was always my favorite, partly because he was the geeky one and partly because I thought it was so cool a person(?) could do so much damage with a stick.

Raphael: wears red, uses sai, which are kinda like knives, but look like the heads of tridents. He’s the hot head of the group. If a temper is found lying around somewhere, it’s probably the one Raphael lost.

Leonardo: wears blue, fights with katana, which are your basic ninja swords. He’s your serious guy, your leader, your teacher’s pet. He’s all about doing what Splinter would want them to do.

Splinter: wears a robe, fights with his walking cane if he has to. He’s a rat, but he’s a teacher rat. He’s the one that taught the Turtles all the ninjitsu.

There’s also April O’Neil (the hottie reporter that hangs out with the Turtles) and Casey Jones (a Turtle ally who uses sports equipment to thrash baddies) and Shredder (the big bad bad guy), but they’re not really important to my point, which is this:

If you’re going to do a rap song that sums up the movie, get your facts straight. Leonardo is your guy if you want to talk about the “leader of the troupe.” You might think it was Splinter, but he rarely goes into battle with them. He’s more of a teacher.

I await other movie raps from Partners in Kryme where we’ll hear that Doc Ock is a pediatrician and that Batman’s a really nice guy, once you get to know him.

In no particular order, I give you the following vacation highlights:

Sunburn

This is my own stupid fault, as I did not use sunscreen of any sort. I didn’t think we’d be on the beach that long, and I paid the price. I was LizardMan on the trip home, horrifying children and pilots alike.

Red Tide

Florida stinks. Maybe not all the time, but when they’re having “Red Tide” it sure does. Red Tide is some sort of algae that basically kills fish (and stingrays, apparently). These dead fish then wash up on shore and smell like … well, dead fish. Ewww. The condo we stayed in was right on the beach, Gulf-side, so we got to experience the smell any time we walked outside.

Karaoke

I participated in karaoke for the first time, and I have one question: why have I not done this sooner? Thoroughly enjoyable! I learned two things while doing karaoke: 1) Maybe choose songs where you’re fairly certain the lyrics are, well, decent. 2) Bon Jovi’s Livin’ on a Prayer is maybe the best karaoke song ever.

Art Museum

We went to the John & Mable Ringling Museum of Art in Sarasota, FL. The grounds also had a Circus museum (see, he’s one of the “Ringling Brothers” you’ve heard so much about – the youngest one, actually) and the mansion John & Mable summered in. Mansion: neat. Circus Museum: kind of lame. Art Museum: impressive, especially from a circus guy’s collection. They were hosting an exhibion called “Duane Hanson: Portraits from the Heartland” which featured life-sized body-casts of real people in ordinary situations. You can see some pictures on the site I linked. They were very interesting, but a little freaky. What made them freakier is the way they were displayed – just kind of out in the middle of various rooms. If there were other patrons in the room, it actually took a minute or two to determine which were the art pieces. Freaky.

Dancing Fool

I played Dance Dance Revolution for the first time. Maybe you’re not familiar with this videogame. Basically you stand on a dance pad that has four arrows (up, down, left, and right) on it. As a song plays, arrows float up the screen and you have to step on corresponding arrows at the right time, in time with the music. It’s fun and it’s a workout. The arcade version has side-by-side dance pads so you can compete with someone else. Matt thrashed me both times we played, but I did much better the second time. I plan to play more of this game, and soon.

Old School

While we’re on the subject of videogames, I should mention that I also played Donkey Kong and Pac-Man at the same arcade. To be honest, Donkey Kong actually played me. I am out of practice and didn’t even make it past the first screen. Sad. I more than made up for it on Pac-Man, however, getting one of my highest scores ever and certainly the high score on the machine for the day: 70,540. My next attempt a few days later only got me in the 37,000 range, but it was still good.

What Is the Matrix?

Turns out, it’s a fun little car to drive. I rented one for a trip I took on Saturday, and thoroughly enjoyed myself. It’s the Toyota equivalent of a Pontiac Vibe, pretty much, and it made me realize even more that I am done driving minivans. Rather, I want to be done driving minivans. I’ll never buy a Toyota, as that would be the death of my worked-for-GM-almost-his-whole-life father, but it was certainly fun, and it cemented my idea to downsize. The only trouble now is coming up with the cash…

Axe Murderers

The trip I took on Saturday was to meet a couple of people I met on the Internet. I made sure my last will and testament was in order, as I was sure to awaken in a tub of ice with my kidneys missing. Turns out, there are some people on the Internet that are regular folks who are nice to be around. Who knew? I met up with Angie and Charley (and Charley’s wife) from the THorum in Ocala, FL. More specifically at the Olive Garden in Ocala, FL. Olive Garden, you might recall (you’ll have to, as I can’t find it to link to) is also where I met fellow THorumites Joe and Mark last year in Indianapolis. Anyway, Charley (and his wife) and Angie are some of the nicest people in the world, and I recommend you meet them as soon as you are able. Rumor has it there’ll be a video of the meeting available at some point…

FORE!

On the last leg of our journey home, driving from Indianapolis to Lafayette, Kat and I stopped at a Wendy’s to get some food. After going through the drive-through, we parked in the Wendy’s lot to eat. The fellow in the car next to us got out of his car, went around to his trunk, took out a golf club, went to the grassy area in front of his car, and started taking practice swings. Two things about this behavior struck us as odd: A) After each swing, he’d look off in the distance as if he were tracking his shot. B) It was pushing midnight. We wondered what his deal was and after much discussion it was decided that Kat should ask him. She rolled down her window and did so, and his mundane reply had something to do with keeping awake because he’d been driving for a really long time. Dang. I was hoping for something along the lines of “mob hit man” or “around-the-state air golf tournament.”

So there you go. Sure, I did other things. I ate food, for instance. I watched more Wimbledon tennis than I ever expected to, as well. These are just some of the highlights. My plan was to intercut them with pictures, but I’ll have to save those for another post.

Peace out, yo.

I was thinking about doing a day-by-day breakdown of vacation, but I’m leaning more towards doing one “highlights” post instead.

Just so you know.

Oh, and here’s my ranking of the four airports I was in over vacation, based on assumed sleepability:

1. Dulles (Washington, D.C.)
2. Tampa, FL
3. Charlotte, NC
4. Indianapolis, IN

Dulles wins for two big reasons: temperature and the fact that the seats in the waiting areas don’t have arms, so a person could stretch out across many seats rather than having to sleep on the floor.