MadMup.com

Everybody does resolutions. Nertz to that. Wishes are way more interesting, I think.

Think about every movie, TV show, or story that deals with somebody getting wishes. What happens? The wishes always backfire somehow and the person either has something horrible happen or learns some sort of important lesson.  Even Fox Mulder on The X-Files, after a long process of checking and double-checking his wish to make sure there was absolutely no way it could be taking out of context or misconstrued wound up making everyone on earth but him disappear. That’s just how things go: you can’t have wishes.

But that doesn’t stop people from thinking about what they would wish for if given the chance. Popular choices include world peace, unlimited money, and the chance to relive your life with the knowledge you have now. There’s a reason those are the popular choices – there’s a lot to like there. But, as all the stories, shows, and movies have taught us, all of those choices end up horribly for everyone. And forget about wishing someone back to life – The Monkey’s Paw, anyone?

Anyway, I know it doesn’t do any good, but just like every one else I’ve thought about it, too. I’ve probably put way more thought into it than is healthy, really. I’ve always found it a good mental exercise, I guess. Plus, it would be totally sweet if these came true.

So, in order of desire (meaning: if I only got one wish, it’d be the first one; if I got two, the top two; and so on), here are what I finally came up with.

The ability to understand, read, write, and speak any language. I can’t really explain why I would want this, other than I really, really like to know things. It would be SO cool to see pictures of hieroglyphics and know exactly what they meant. I would love to be able translate things perfectly into other languages. Still, I look at that wish written out and it makes me laugh a little. I mean, I took Spanish for a year and a half, but had no desire to do more than that. Part of it was that I knew I wouldn’t ever really understand it fully and the other part was that I wouldn’t have many opportunities to practice it, so I’d lose it. I guess it seems so much easier to just know it. It still looks weird to me, that wish, but it’s something I’d really like.

Wolverine’s healing ability. Man, how great would that be? I mean, he still gets hurt, but he heals right up, really quickly. No heart disease, colds, cancer, nothing. I don’t do dangerous things as a general rule, so it seems like maybe this one would also be wasted on me, but I wonder if maybe the ability to heal would spur me on to trying things I wouldn’t normally.  Maybe this one is only good if you can also have an adamantium skeleton?

Ability to time/space travel. I wouldn’t want a machine, just the ability to do it. Kinda like Christopher Reeve in Somewhere in Time where he just kind of goes to sleep and travels back in time, but more specific.  I’d love to travel back and see some of the great moments in history, but I’d even be interested in seeing some of the not-so-famous moments. It would be neat to see just day-to-day living in Ancient Rome, walk with Israelites as they wandered in the desert, see some dinosaurs, that kind of thing.

These kind of play into each other, of course. Conventional wisdom says if you were to travel back in time, the food would kill you because your body is unaccustomed to it. A healing factor would take care of that issue. Knowing how to communicate in any language would also come in handy to a time traveler, I think.

Go ahead and X-Files my ideas. I’m sure there are all sorts of holes in them that would cause Hitchcock levels of ironic lesson-learning or horrific endings.

Normally it’s my nephew that’s all about the Star Wars. My niece is more into the Disney Princesses as a general rule.  So when I received the following drawing of hers, I was more than a little surprised.

I mean, you see why I was surprised, right? It purports to be the end of Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, but Chewbacca is clearly wearing a medal!

Well, being the good uncle that I am, I made sure to tell my brother that he should let her know that Chewie didn’t get a medal. I mean, if you let this kind of revisionism go, what’s next, right? Next thing you’ll know, she’ll have Greedo shooting first or some such nonsense. I just want her to grow up to be a Star Wars purist, and I’m sure my brother and his wife feel the same way.

Well, as it turns out, she gave Chewbacca a medal because she felt bad for him and felt he deserved a medal, too, so she gave him one. I guess I can deal with that.

Sweet kid.

I made myself sad the other day by remembering a cereal I used to like that they no longer make, and that reminded me of other foods I loved when I had them that I can longer find. I know it’s pretty much the height of ridiculosity to complain about foods I no longer have access to when I am so completely blessed to live somewhere where I can get almost any other food there is, so please don’t castigate me for that. I simply mean this as a memory for foods past.

Snapple Tru-Clear Root Beer – I had this several times over the course of a summer spent traveling out West in the late 90s. I would find it a random gas stations and grocery stores and bought it every time I could. I was on a tear of trying every new rootbeer I could, and in a summer of many new brands, this one stood out to me. It was colorless, which was sort of freaky, but I really liked the taste of it.  It disappeared from shelves soon after and I don’t think it’s ever coming back. Maybe that’s a good thing, as this review of it isn’t so loving.

S’mores Crunch Cereal – Very much like Golden Grahams, but had chocolate bits and little marshmallows. Wikipedia says it was discontinued in 1988. I’ve been pining for it ever since. 23 years of pining is a long time.

Fruity Marshmallow Krispies – Another cereal! I’m on record as not caring much for actual fruits, but I like many fruit flavors. This cereal had what I would describe as a “light fruity flavor,” and the marshmallows were those great cereal ‘mallows that you only ever get in cereal. Here’s way more info about it than you’ll ever want.

Fruity Yummy Mummy – Not only another cereal, but also another fruit-ish one! You’re familiar with Count Chocula and Frankenberry, most likely, and you might even know Boo Berry, but you probably don’t know Fruity Yummy Mummy. He replaced Fruit Brute (which you Tarantino fans probably know), but was discontinued in the 90s.

Snickers Almond Limited Edition Dark – This is the strange one of the bunch, because I only ever had it one time. I saw it at a checkout, got it, and loved it. I can’t eat regular Snickers any more because peanuts upset my stomach now. There are still dark chocolate Snickers to be found, as well as almond Snickers, but I have never seen another Snickers Almond Limited Edition Dark anywhere. They warned me right on the package that it wouldn’t be around long, but the heart (stomach?) wants what it wants, I guess.  I’d think I imagined it if it weren’t for other people’s recollections.

The thing about all of these is that I suspect if I had them available again and were to try them, they wouldn’t meet my memory’s fondness rating. How could they? Much like someone bemoaning the loss of “the good ol’ days” that weren’t, in fact, all that good, I am sure my brain has ascribed wonderfulness to things that were probably okay, but have gained deliciousness via time.