November 8th, 2005


Lately I’ve been noticing how much weight I’ve put on in the last year. It’s not surprising, really. Restaurant meals are bad for you and they make up 75% of my diet. The other 25% is made up of cake, Zingers, Dove Chocolate, cookies… well, you get the idea. The only exercise I get on a daily basis is holding my stomach in when I’m around other people.

In plain English: I’m tubby. I weigh more than I ought to weigh.

You need proof? Fine.

Earlier today, in my office at work, I was sitting in front of my computer and I stretched… and the button popped off my pants.

I’ll repeat that in case you missed it: the button popped off my pants.

Okay, so this is not my proudest moment. But it’s worse than it sounds. These pants already had a problem: the zipper wouldn’t stay up. I have been using my system of a rubber band wound through the zipper pull and looped up around the button. Once the button was gone, the zipper could do as it desired. And it did.

This happened pretty early in the day. I never know how to react in a crisis, even a semi-unimportant one like this. Do I go home at lunch and change? I don’t really have any other suitable pants there, do I? Do I stay locked in my office all day? Should I go buy a new pair of pants? Should I take my lunch at 9:30 in the morning to do it?

I ended up going to the mall at lunch and buying some pants. Kat actually met me on her lunch break so I didn’t end buying a completely stupid-looking pair (this is more of a danger than you might realize). Kohl’s ended up being the place with the pants (which, incidentally, would make a great slogan for them: “Kohl’s – The Place with the Pants”) today, and I’m glad, as it was the first place I looked.

After I bought my pants, we had lunch. At a restaurant.

I will never learn.

7 Comments on “Evidence”

  1. the obscure says:

    Ah, the joys of approaching middle age. I feel your awkward discomfort, my friend. In addition to frequently exceeding the limits of my attire, my shoulder often hurts when I do things that should be no problem, like put a glass on the top shelf of the cupboard. *sigh*

  2. Brian Arnold says:

    Man, this story just made my day. I'm cracking up at the mental image.

    We should start exercising and such.

  3. Angela says:

    That was totally Angela, by the way. Sorry I have now spammed thine commente boxe.

  4. Anonymous says:

    You and Brian should startd bike riding together! It's what my food friend Daniel and I have started doing.

    I find it funny, though, that you bought pants the EXACT same day I helped afore mentioned friend revitalize his wardrobe.

    We, however lack a Kohl's. They are building one on the other side of the city, though!

  5. That Aussie says:

    Welcome to my world, skinny.

  6. MadMup says:

    TO – "Middle age." The very term is depressing.

    Brian – Agreed. I may have gone out and finally purchased a (cheap!) dance pad for my Xbox for this very reason. :)

    Angela – I heartily approve of your Olde English! Alas, Brian and I might have a hard time exercising together, what with him being in New Mexico and me being in Indiana…

    HP – This world is strange, but seems nice enough.

  7. kat says:

    Um … we went to lunch, where you ate a baked potato.

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