MadMup.com

Motivation is a strange concept to me.

You can’t really get it from anyone – if someone says they are motivating you to do something, it’s more likely that they are compelling you. Someone else can provide an enticement, but they can’t force you to pursue it.

It isn’t a thing in and of itself, it’s more a means to an end. You might want something, but until you have the motivation to go after it, you won’t go after it.

It’s different things to different people. Some people are motivated by money, some by fame, and others by fear. I think I’ve finally figured out what motivates me.

See, this has always been a problem for me. In high school, I got decent grades without studying, so I didn’t study, even though I could have gotten straight A’s with a little bit of studying. Pretty much anything in my life that I’ve been okay at I could have been better with a little effort, but I was never motivated to do it.

I tried to be motivated. I tried to be motivated by teacher’s compliments, friend approval, girls… None of it stuck. They say if it doesn’t come from within you, it won’t stick. It’s true. I could never figure out what I was motivated by, though. “Just decide to be motivated, just decide to do it” never worked for me, even though I wish it had. I still wish it.

No, sadly, what I’m motivated by is comfort. If it makes me nervous or uneasy, I don’t want to do it. I am highly motivated, however, to turtle, to not meet new people, to not go anywhere. I am highly motivated to do things that are familiar. I am highly motivated to do things I like.

It’s sad, really. I don’t like this about myself. You know another word for being motivated by comfort?

Selfish.